Lately, I have been involved in a lot of contemplation on where my life is going and what I want to do.  Somewhere along the line I have developed a new fear. The fear of getting comfortable with what I have and getting stuck here. The fear of  not learning more. The fearing of not living up to what I have set out for myself.

I am stuck in a rut at the moment. I go to work, I come back home & sleep. Rinse and repeat.

To go where I need to, I need to make time.

I’ll be sharing a lot of my plans and decision process in the coming days.

During the past few days, I have been pondering a lot about Happiness. A lot of questions came up which I really didn’t have answer for. They are as follows :

1) Is happiness something temporary or permanent ?

2) How do you know your happy ?

3) Is there a way you can measure happiness?

4) What makes one happy ?

5) Can you buy happiness ? If yes, for how much?

A lot of these questions are subjective and the answers may vary from person to person. Unfortunately, there might not be any concrete answers to these questions. But I’ll investigate and find out for sure.

Once upon a time, I read a book. The book was ‘Fastlane Millionaire’ by MJ D Marco. It kind of changed my perspective of life, money and time. He made it very clear, growing rich fast through a job was just not possible. A job is always going to have that limit/wall beyond which you won’t be able to grow.

I got fucked on all those search engine updates. I lost a good part of my site’s portfolio. From 5 digits a month to 3 digits a month. Big plunge. Disheartening as fuck. All of a sudden, all the plans were gone for a toss. I had to take up a job or leave the country. I considered leaving the country and setting up something in India. It wouldn’t make sense to set up something unless I was already making enough to sustain a staff easily.

Hence, I took a job. You thought dealing with a teacher was difficult? Wait, Till you get a Boss. Everything changes. All of a sudden, you start missing your college lift. Adult life sucks. Being busy sucks. Not meeting your old friends sucks. Driving for 3 hours every day in traffic sucks.

There is only one thing that doesn’t suck for now which what I do for a living. I do what I like & hence time passes pretty fast. The salary is a joke. The career prospect is a joke.

OK, Firstly I am not sure about how many of you actually waited for this but I would like to believe that some of you did. Its kind of a ego/confidence booster.

As I mentioned before, Life is not at all the same any more. I am working full time for the largest E-commerce company in the region (Guess Guess… Shouldn’t be so hard). If you think college is hard then wait till you start working. You have a boss, you have targets and ton of reports. Its not as glamorous you thought it would. And for me being a business person, it wasn’t easy at all.

My sites, My business has suffered because I haven’t been able to give it enough time. I am going to try to scale it back again and make some more money on that front. Its going to be hard and going to require a lot of work. Lets hope for the best.

I am currently suffering from over working and long work hours which leaves me burned out and no energy to do anything else which really I am going to change with the coming time. More work needs to be done in a short span. Its going to be difficult but I really don’t want to be all work and no play.

“The price of being a sheep is boredom. The price of being a wolf is loneliness. Choose one or the other with great care.” – Hugh  Macleod